Sunday, September 18, 2005

an inventory, after almost two months.

things i hate about Houston:

SUVs. anywhere from 75-80% of the people on the roads here are in SUVs. i am convinced that at least 50% of those are tan-colored Suburbans.

going through the drive-thru at St*rbucks is, apparently, not enough of a reason to be fully dressed. i have clocked in many a late night sojourn to the McDonalds drive-thru. never did i contemplate just putting on a long t-shirt and hoping for the best.

stupid white rich people. they keep coming to St*rbucks, for some reason. damn them!

the men. they seem to be of one universal body type: skinny, pale, with little potbellies. and not "skinny boys with glasses" sexy skinny, but the kind of skinny that comes from a complete lack of muscle tone. the gentleman who i had an unfortunate date with a couple weeks ago was just such a specimen: i felt as though i could've snapped his forearm with a little effort.

damn gayborhood! and the attractive men i do see? all gay. just my luck.

The Houston Texans. the 2nd lamest football team in Texas.

the longhorn thing. i don't get it. but you know when you extend your index and pink finger, and fold all the rest of your fingers toward your palm? where i come from, that means "rock on", or something like that. here it means you're a longhorns fan.

no Eagles coverage. i have to go to a huge-ass sports bar to see their games. which isn't necessarily a bad thing when said sports bar has the best fucking wings i've ever had.

the highways. the only reason i have to venture onto them is to go to IKEA. i mostly pretend they don't exist. they are large, scary, full of crazy people and perpetually under construction.

people i miss. mom, dad, lauren, jeanine, malcolm, al, brad, judy, ben, delaney, lisa, meredith, john, olive, koba, marissa, connie, chanell, karen, sarah, katie, matt (even), grammy. charcoal, isadora, panda and luna, too.

ants that bite. then where they bite turns into a little blister. this really sucks.

cockroaches that fly. enough said.

the heat. christ on a stick. what i wouldn't give for 85 degrees.

things i love about Houston:

Mark's cat Germaine. such a beautiful one he is, almost entirely white with icy blue eyes. i have never met such a lover. one little stroke and he's immediately supine on the ground, belly up, begging for a rub. that and he greets me in the front yard before i've even shut my car door. it's nice to have a (outdoor) cat again.

Mark himself. just the coolest guy ever. i can only think this is karmic payback for the roommate hell of last year.

best happy hour sushi. where every piece of sushi and every drink is a dollar from 5 to 7 pm on weekdays, which means i can stuff myself and get pretty plastered, usually for under $20.

alcoholic ice cream. i don't think the cold stone creamery mix-in-your-own-candy type ice cream place has really made it to the northeast yet, but they're on every corner here. my favorite, Amy's Ice Cream, has GUINNESS ICE CREAM. ice cream that has beer in it (not that i like beer, but that's a miracle of science, right?). ice cream with blackberry liquor. who would've thought? and why isn't anyone else doing it?

access to alcohol. i keep forgetting. not every state has state-run liquor stores that don't open on Sundays like Pennsylvania. i am still tripped up by the fact that i can go into a Whole Foods or a Kroger and there's a wine aisle. it just seems like booze is everywhere, including inside me. Texas is turning me into a lush.

best bar ever. The Davenport. quiet, chill, not too hipstery. drinks are ridiculous, doubles by average bar standards, which means that two gin and tonics had me well under the table. decor is cool and retro without appearing so. large plasma television above the fireplace, which plays a continuous aquarium loop.

snarky coffee bars. the ani-Starbucks in town is called Dietrich's Coffee. i want to profess my love for the person who does their signs out front, because they're hilarious. "Now with 23% more street cred" and "Free Coffee Yesterday" and "Over 15 Served" and "Friday Night is Ladies' Night Free Cover".

best St*rbucks cohort ever. it was Shawna who took me to The Davenport, and to happy hour sushi. it was kind of strange how we met, there was no trial period, no feeling each other out, we just started hanging out and it's like i've known her forever. very cool.

things that just puzzle me:

women is Texas wear heels all. the. time. for everything. shopping at the grocery store in heels. gardening in heels (i have seen it!). walking long distances in heels. i don't get it.

lack of street suffixes. no, no, no. not Kirby Drive, just Kirby. not Fannin Street (Ave? Blvd?), just Fannin. West Gray, where i work, is just West Gray. nothing else. hello?

dumb street names, part two. in Houston Heights, there are actually half streets. which means between 6th and 7th street, there is a 6 1/2 street. oh, there are actually street suffixes up in the Heights. go fig.

fences around everything. perhaps we will feel safer if we keep all those coloreds out. which is what you know they're thinking every time they erect one of those black, spiky monstrosities around their $300,000 condos.


Rhymes With Scrabble said...

Oh, man, Happy Hour Sushi sounds wonderful. Does the sushi come around on a conveyer belt like at the cheap places in Japan?

11:37 AM  
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Anonymous said...

i want to invent happy hour sushi in harrisburg. and those coffee signs are hilarious.

3:05 PM  
Anonymous said...

that last comment was by me, alexis. sorry.

3:06 PM  
ugggh scratch scratch said...

we miss you too, so very much. But hey, next time that you decide to do a "miss list" please put my name before BRAD! Jeez after all that we had together! I am sooo glad to hear that you will be visiting us soon. I love reading your always make me laugh. love you.dp

4:49 PM  

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