Thursday, October 12, 2006

the terrible hereafter.

i've gotten to a very hard place in the last month. it feels like everything around me is changing, and that sounds like a cliche and a very bad song lyric, but it's true. it seems that events, people and places have coalesced together to make me question who the hell i am, which is a question i thought i wouldn't have to grapple with again.

i was depressed for a very, very long time. now i'm not, and i'm pretty sure i won't ever go back to that place. this is the thing they never tell you when you finally make it out; how to cope with the things you've missed, and how to live that new normal. i feel like there is a hole, a 5 year hole, where i was just not functioning on many levels. now i feel like i've fallen behind, and it's going to take me forever to catch up.

i curse the people in my life who are still there because they are dragging me down. i curse the people who have never been there because there is some part of me that they will never understand. i could write a novel on this disconnect i feel, this feeling of "passing" for normal. i suspect i will always feel this way.

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