in the beginning

August 23. 1999

there was a girl. And she, foolish child that she was, wanted a webpage like any other slob on the net. Thus she embarked on an arduous, time consuming, social life eating quest to have one. And after many frustrations, she found a webpage host that pleased her and actually learned how to FTP. The fruits of her labor are now here, for all to see. Enjoy, sign the guestbook, go forth, be fruitful and multiply. Nuff said.

Off into the wild blue yonder...

I leave for college in a matter of days. I will be a freshman at Tyler School of Art of Temple University. So you can expect that there won't be an update for several days after this because I will busy moving in, seeing a Tori concert, hanging out with a certain lad from NYC, and trying to adjust to living in the city of brotherly love. Another great thing about this journal...the 'rents can keep tabs on me. :) Most likely the next journal update will be from there.

"Just have fun. This is the best time of your life."

I heard this statement, or some variation of it, dozens of times during the past few months. I don't really like blanket statements like that. I think this sort of thing is said by a person who thinks of life in finite terms: You go to high school, go to college, have fun, and then buckle down for the miserable existence that will be the rest of your life. As if you are not allowed to have fun after age 22. As if learning stops once you leave a campus.It amazes me that people can go through their whole lives so unaware of their surroundings and who they are.

I want to spend my whole life learning. I want to wake up a different person every day. There are so many things I want, I don't think I can ever stop. Maybe I will live to 100. Maybe I will live to 60. However long a time I am granted, I am going to make the most of it.

God, I cannot even fathom what I'm going to learn in college. It blows my mind the things that are available to me. I've only scratched the surface of who I am at this point. I recently looked back at my journal entries from 1995, when I was a freshman entering high school, and then I look at where I am now. It's amazing to see the changes. I can only hope when I look at where I was at age 22 I can say the same thing.

It's going to be an amazing four years, I think. Hell, it's going to be an amazing life.

Hit the Pavement...let's return to high school for a moment.

The reality that I will not be returning to high school this fall has not fully hit me yet. The fact that I graduated has not fully hit me yet. Heck, nothing has fully hit me yet. But I was driving past school at couple days ago, and it occurred to me: I never have to go back there ever again if I don't want to.

Don't get me wrong. High school was not a terrible thing for me. But there was always the sensation of missing something, like there was potential for wonderful things to happen and they never quite did. I had this feeling throughout high school, but it intensified after I got home from PGSA, and during my senior year. PGSA gave me a whole new outlook on my art, on people, and on myself. When I got back to school, I found all of those sorely lacking. I think that's mostly why I was so miserable my senior year.

I also could never dig all the "regular" high school things that I was supposed to. I skipped all the pep rallies (hid out in the chorus room and played the piano), didn't go to any dances or football games, and going to the prom was one of the biggest wastes of time and money I've ever had. These things just never appealed to me, and unfortunately I got a lot of flak for my lack of so-called school spirit and whatnot. I'm sure I don't have to tell anyone this, but different people are not tolerated in any way in high school. You have to fit the mold. And usually the mold people are the most boring people you'll ever meet.

Finally, a shoutout:

To all those to are starting school once again, or some cases doing it the first time, I wish you all the luck in the world. You know who are. :)

music: various Tori Amos mp3s
food: oreo cookies
read: some book on Georgia O'Keeffe, don't remember the title
random: my brand new really kewl Star Wars mousepad