that was short lived
April 10. 2000

one of those rare cartoons..I could feel the tickle starting in the back of my throat yesterday morning. It felt vaguely like my tonsils were swelling up again, but I thought, nah, that couldn't be it. I took my antibiotics like a good little girl, I finished the whole course, as instructed, on Wednesday.

Today my alarm obediently went off at 7:30. I don't remember it doing so, or me turning it off. Some time later I glanced at the clock. 8:52. Mmm. I turned over.

Bethany, it's 8:52. You have class at 8:30.


I dragged (literally dragged, I am not exaggerating) myself to class, arriving at 9:00. I got ready in 8 minutes, and I looked it. I have given up the daily grooming of my hair. That's what kerchiefs are for. Yes, I am wearing the same skirt as yesterday. But no one will notice if you wear a different shirt with the skirt, I guarantee. No one has said anything to me about it yet. Mostly because I think they're probably all doing the same thing.

I went to the nurse, she took one look and made me a doctor's appointment for later on in the day. Meanwhile, I went back to my room to attempt to sleep, which turned out to be a useless exercise anyway.

I've been having really strange, disquieting dreams in the past few months or so. Not even really dreams, they often happen when I'm in that half asleep state when I'm still dimly aware of the things going on around me. Strange, nonsensical, surreal situations that leave me anxious but in a very nonconcrete, abstract way. Often I'll be having conversations with people in my dreams, and I'll actually reply to them out loud. Thus, I am now getting by on little snippets of sleep, sometimes as short as 2 minutes or as long as 2 hours. But something always wakes me up. I haven't slept straight through the night in weeks.

I have a load of pills to down every morning, including another antibiotic, an evil decongestant and a pledge to start taking the vitamins that have sat idle on my shelf most of the semester. bleh.

lastback to the indexnext

all writings, (c) 1999-2000, BRR