I've been home for almost a month, and already the situation is wearing thin on me. What? Get up before 12? Empty the dishwasher? MAKE MY BED?!?! What foreign country had I landed in? It took a while to adjust back to living at home. And, to my complete and utter surprise, I found myself wishing I were still in Philadelphia and in school.
I hated living in the dorms at school, and I am so glad I will never have to do it again. I hated dorm life, I hated having a roommate, I hated having to share a bathroom, etc etc. Go back and read any of my entries. You'll find the evidence there. I hated living in the dorms. Then why do I now want to go back there?
I remember complaining to so many people in so many forums about how much I missed home and all its creature comforts. My own room. My lovely, huge double bed with a decent mattress. Delicious, healthy food!
On the other hand, come August I will be back in Philadelphia with my own apartment, my own domain, my own little pad, a whole semester of classes I can't wait to take, and hopefully a nice little job at Barnes and Noble. Needless to say, I am really looking forward to living on my own. But you know what? Four or five months from now I'll probably be complaining about something.
I think, for me, environment is of the utmost importance. Wherever I live eventually gets under my skin and becomes part of who I am. No matter how hard I try, I can't disassociate myself from Philadelphia. The trains, the subways, the bus station, the Gallery Mall, the Historic District, South Street, Frite, Pearl, the South Street Diner, First Friday. It's all incorporated in my mind and heart. Maybe it's because I choose to absorb everything, both the good and bad, is the reason I'm never satisfied with where I am.
And I'm pretty sure no matter where I live in future I won't be satisfied either. I know I'll end up somewhere in the tri-state area, because I've finally faced it, I'm an East Coast girl, and nothing is ever going to change that. I had illusions of moving to New Mexico and living in a little adobe hut ala Georgia O'Keeffe, but I know that will never happen. I'll end up in a little apartment in the Village, maybe. And I'll probably still be looking for satisfaction, for nirvana, for some place to call my own.
all writings, (c) 1999-2000, BRR