Hejira

 

blue motel room

October 18. 2000

painting whore:

art

another in-class painting. i think it's purty.

I've got a blue motel room
with a blue bedspread
I've got the blues inside and outside my head
will you still love me
when I call you up when I'm down
-Joni Mitchell

*

Don't ask me what I've been up to in this last week, I don't even remember. All I know is that everything has come upon me at once, too many hours at work, too many assignments and papers and midterms at the same time, and it's left me drained.

*

I had class advising today for next semester. It feels like I've barely begun this semester (though it's half over) and I already have to choose what I want to take next year. I cannot communicate what a stupid and frustrating process all of this is. There are so many university core cirriculum bullshit classes that I have to take to graduate from Temple University, and then all the studio classes I have to take to get my degree from Tyler. I've finally come to accept the fact that no matter how hard I try, I'm probably going to have to be here more than four years.

And as usual, I didn't get the classes I wanted. I wanted to take Introduction to Weaving so badly, but it conflicted with Intermediate Ceramics, and I figured it was a better idea to go with the class that's going to be in my major. So now I have for studio classes: Figure Painting (with Chuck, natch), Intermediate Ceramics, and Jewelry II. In my academics I'm faring a bit better - I am taking International Women's Writing, American Ethnicity and College Math. Yes, math is apparently neccessary for art majors. Bah. But the other two courses should be a lot more interesting than anything I'm taking now.

Daniella ended up advising me, and she was quite happy when she saw I was taking Jewelry II. At our crit on Monday, I made the mistake of voicing my various frustrations with metals and all the techniques that need to learned. I think she thought I was saying I hated metals, which I don't, and she continued to tease me about it for the rest of the week.

I don't hate metals and jewelry, there is just so many things to learn. How to solder, how to cast, how to drill, polish, use a band saw, invest, the list goes on and on, but the bottom line is I get very intimidated. And the people there are part of that intimidation. The junior and senior metals majors make absolutely sure you know where your place is as a lowly sophomore. There's a lot of elitism and snobbery that I can't stand, and that's part of the reason I don't think I could major in metals.

Daniella seems to have this weird interest in me, though, one that I don't quite understand. I get the impression she thinks I'm very talented, in fact, she's told me so several times. And she pays enough attention to me to notice that I've been in a funk for these past few weeks. While I was sitting across the table from her this morning, she scrutinzed me for a minute before saying, "We need to get you living in the studio like you were last year. I know you can do better work than you are."

"I know....." I started to say.

"I'll try to, you know..." she brandished her small fists in front of her face, "...send you some creative juices."

I appreciate her interest in me, but sometimes I get the feeling that she's not taking me seriously. I don't know if this is some kind of warped version of tough love, but I wish she'd be a little more straight with me, rather than dancing around the facts and her feelings like she usually does.

One Year Ago:
I finally get the T1.