Hejira

 

if wishes were horses

October 4. 2000

a painting:

egg painting

it reminds me of an easter egg

*

because it was requested, here is another painting by yours truly. This is the third oil painting I've ever done, and I'm pretty pleased. I'll leave it to your imagination as to how hideous the first two were.

I climbed into bed last night at 2:22 am. It was the magic minute, as I called it, along with 3:33, 4:44 and so on. I thought quickly about what I wanted to wish for, lest the time change before I decide. I want to do well on all of my assignments....no, no, no...I want John and me to be together and happy for a long, long time....yeah. That's it. I flopped down on my pillow and fell asleep.

I've been playing this game for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I would sit and wait for the clock to turn and squeeze my eyes shut tight and think of as many wishes as I could before the minute turned over. My wishes changed over the years. For the longest time when I was younger, I wished for my allergies to magically disappear, so I could finally have a dog or a cat, something I wished for fervently but knew no matter what I did I couldn't have.

Whenever I asked my mom what she would wish for, she would often reply, "Health, happiness and peace for my family and everyone I know", or something to that effect. I was always a little surprised, in my childish self-centered way, at how she could just selflessly give away her precious wishes to other people. "Don't you want anything?" I would ask. She replied that that was all she needed to be happy.

As I got older, I continued this curious little practice, even though I knew full well that wishes didn't come true no matter how many magic minutes were involved. Now I wished for that certain boy I was in love with notice how wonderful I was and fall deeply in love with me. I wished to be thin, attractive and popular. I wished to just lose ten pounds.

Time passed on. I wished to get into the right college. I wished for lots of money and scholarships. I wished to find someone to love me. I wished not to be lonely.

Sometimes I wonder where all of these wishes have gotten me. I always knew they wouldn't come true, even when I was little, but still I hoped that someday I would wake up and all my problems would be solved. Life would be so much easier, and so much duller, if I had all my wishes and desires handed to me on a silver platter. I still wish that now, but only once in a while.

I wish all about you
Sweet spirit black as night
That you will wake and laugh and say
"I've come back from the light"
- Happy Rhodes

One Year Ago:
more of the same