September 20. 2000

The two pieces for my Ceramics class:


Built with coils, then carved. It reminds me of a piece that I did in high school.



Built with slabs, kind of reminds me of Louise Nevelson's work.

I am so tired.

I am so blessed.

All the stress in my life is a blessing, I realize. It's the stress of having too many interests and talents, of having too many opportunities, of having too many possessions, of having too much money and too many ways to spend it.

I don't have much more to say about it other than that. I am teetering on the edge of being wildly happy and being completely, miserably overwhelmed by my life.

I am working. A lot. It occurred to me recently that I worked more last Friday than I did in two weeks last year. My Dad told me today that I should talk to my manager about getting some hours cut back, but to be perfectly truthful, I don't see how I can. I am spending SO much money. Buying Titanium wire. Heavy duty stretcher strips. 50 pounds of clay. Then of course, living expenses - food, and then the phone bill, the energy bill, the internet bill. I am simultaneously thrilled and fed up with the whole idea of independent living.

School is going well. I am keeping on top of it, for now. I used to be the procrastination queen, now, I simply can't afford it. Painting is still puzzling and frustrating. Metals is difficult, just because there is so many machines and techniques to learn, but other than that, I am enjoying it. And ceramics.

I've finally accepted the inevitable. I have found the perfect art form for me. I don't know how I even considered majoring in any else, because once I finally got my hands back into clay, it was all just...perfect. It felt comfortable, it felt like home, it felt like I was doing what I was born to do. I spent 7 and a half hours in the studio yesterday. It passed like an instant.

I can't even explain adequately how it felt. It's like there was this perfect and clear communication between my mind and my heart and my hands and the clay. It sounds cheesy, but that's how it felt. Like I had rediscovered a friend, a lover, a soulmate.

One Year Ago:
kinda bittersweet, now