Saturday June 2. 2001

another wedding

I snapped this picture, just quick, as the bride was coming into the reception, and when I looked at it later on my laptop, I realized what a great photograph it was. Just a snap, just a little bit of serendipity, completely unintentional. All ego aside, I just kept staring at it, my eyes running over all the horizontals that set off the figure and the shadow on the pavement perfectly. The feeling of movement and anticipation. Now of course I'm kicking myself that it's in pixels instead of film.

This week's wedding was pretty nice. Dad and I ran into some problems early on with Dipshit Photographer. He apparently had a problem with me taking digital pictures of the wedding, because he said it infringed on his territory, and that it might take away his business. Dad tried to explain that we had already been paid and that the images I would be taking were low res and couldn't possibly replace the photos he was going to take. But no dice. He was just such an asshole about it, plus his Evil Witchy Woman assistant kept giving me dirty looks. He even took to yelling at some family members for taking snapshots of the wedding party. I mean, c'mon people. Grow up, please.

So I sat in a corner of the church to watch the ceremony, occasionally taking a picture or two. I was standing near a staircase that descended into the church's basement. The piano player was standing there, waiting for her cue to come up and play. I was standing there, minding my own business, when I caught her out of the corner of my eye adjusting herself. She had hoisted up her long skirt and was pulling up her industrial strength pantyhose, in full view of little old me. I saw things no one should see in public. It was weird. I mean, she knew I was there. God knows who else happened to be in the basement and saw what I did.

Then of course, she came upstairs and butchered "From This Moment On" on the piano. I'm not sure which was worse.

The reception was at some sort of old auditorium in downtown Lebanon that (I shit you not) used to host professional wrestling matches. It had a high ceiling and was strung with white lights, but that didn't make up for the paper tablecloths and bad food. I mean, really bad food. I felt like I was eating out of my high school cafeteria. The open bar featured only soda and beer. Yeah, it was pretty tacky compared to last week's wedding.

At least everyone (unlike last week) seemed to be having a good time. None of this weird tension going on. The bride was not on the verge of fainting, like last week's Lip Twitch bride. She seemed to be completely in charge and in control and looked like she was having the time of her life. She was happy and glowing, which is as it should be. If your wedding becomes a crucible, then what's the point?

The music situation fared little better. The DJ, an Al Roker look-alike, whipped the crowd into a frenzy with a Twist contest, the Electric Slide and the whole bouquet and garter routine. I figure if I go to enough of these, I'll know exactly what I want my wedding to be like.

I DO NOT, under any circumstances, want the Electric Slide played at my wedding.

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One Year Ago:
"Not that I'm particularly fond of my breasts, but losing part of yourself like that must be scary."