June 30, 2001

Saturday June 30. 2001

across four years

I finally got my new driver's license today. Seven months late (to the day), but nonetheless, I can now once again legally drive in the state of Pennsylvania.

fat face

Driver's licenses are funny things. It makes me remember, with almost crystal clarity, getting my first license at the tender age of 16. I remember that I was wearing a long navy blue dress that I couldn't even dream of fitting into now. I remember that when they snapped my picture, there was a little boy in my peripheral vision that was making me laugh. I remember glancing briefly at my picture on the screen, muttering "It's fine", but sure I looked like a grinning freak. Then when I took the license back I realized with a strange sinking feeling that this was one of the best pictures ever taken of me. Wasted on my driver's license.

I will only admit it now, but I was pretty darn cute when I was 16. I look kind of elfin in this picture. I don't know where I was getting all those notions of fat and ugly all through high school.

fat face

My new license expires on December 1, 2004. I will have just turned 24. If all goes well, I will be in my second year of graduate school. I wonder what I'll think when I look at my 20 year old countenance, bloated with dark circles under her eyes. Maybe I'll remember how hot it was the day I got my license. Maybe I'll remember the ill-fitting white oxford shirt I was wearing when I got it taken. What will I think of my 20 year old self then? Probably the same thing I'm thinking of my 16 year old self: Geez, kid, relax. Enjoy your life. Everything will work out.

So I went to the Lebanon YMCA and worked out. Mom and I walked for a half hour, then I did some lifting. I checked my chart, the last time I was there was July 31st of last year. I was surprised that I did not do too badly lifting the same weight that I did a year ago. And right now, as I'm writing this, I do not feel too sore. But oh, I am an incredibly out of shape lump. The fat on my body is chafing and touching where it should not be. I did five minutes on a rower and I was exhausted.

But everyone has to start somewhere, and at least I am starting. Even exercise and nutrition goddess Athena had to start somewhere, right?

Speaking of Athena, I am starting a website recording everything I eat and how much I exercise, like she has. Not so much for an audience (though all loyal readers will be encouraged to give me a hard time if I succumb to Ben and Jerry's), but just to hold myself accountable. Lord knows I keep a journal for everything else, why not this?

I've even chosen a name for it: Operation Fat Ass.

Only a few days into my apartment search, and already I have a fairly good lead. If the only the rest of my life were this easy. I was looking at the postings on the web to help Temple students find housing, and I found someone who is subleasing an apartment near main campus between August and December. Which, coincidentially, is exactly what I need. It's a studio apartment, and fairly reasonable in price. I emailed the girl and she emailed me back promptly. The apartment was still available. I refuse to get my hopes up, seeing as I haven't even seen it yet and don't know where the is, but still. It's something.

Today is my sister's birthday. Predictably, she's acted like a little bitch and a prima donna most of the day (this isn't because it's her birthday, mind you, just her normal behavior). Right now she's pacing about wearing black capri pants, a sparkly tube top (what is with her and white trash clothing these days?), large curlers in her hair, anticipating going out dancing with her friends tonight. But really, could I expect anything less?

I just hope at some point she changes and becomes a normal, social human being at some point. Someone who I can maybe talk to. God bless 17.

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One Year Ago:
"I went on lots of subways. Did I mention I love subways?"