Tuesday September 25. 2001

normal talk on a rainy day

Today, for my Advanced Ceramics class, we went downtown to see an international ceramics show at the Art Alliance. It was next to Rittenhouse Square, and though I'd been in the area numerous times, I had never actually been inside it. The building reminded me of the Morgan-Pierpont (or is it Pierpont-Morgan? I can never remember) Library in Manhattan that Olive, John and I went to once, a very old, big mansion with dozens of tiny dark wood paneled rooms, carpeted stairs and huge stain glass windows. An air of quiet, hushed secrets.

The show itself was great, and despite being warned that no photographs were allowed, I managed to snap a few, sans flash, with my classmate Liz covering me. The variety of work was huge, including some by none other than my insipid professor, Bob.

He's an excellent artist. Which makes it all the more odd and disappointing that he is such an ineffective teacher. Last semester my crit for his class consisted of him staring at my stuff for five minutes, grunting and walking away. That and he doesn't know my name. I'm not some anonymous freshman taking a beginning class, I am a ceramics major. I am taking two classes this semester, and I am in the studio almost every day for a few hours, at least. But whenever he sees me, it's "Uh....hey.....you." I can't imagine how someone who does so little can still be a professor. Oh no, wait, I do...

Tenure. Argh.

But getting back to my point. In the past few weeks, I've been vascillating. I am double majoring in ceramics and metals, and the latter has made me nothing short of miserable and frustrated from the very beginning. I'm still trying to figure out what possessed me to decide to take it on. I don't think I'm very good at it, the environment and the people in the studio make me uncomfortable, and worst of all, it's taking away from my ceramics work, which is something I have truly and wholly loved from the very beginning, almost 6 years ago.

I told all of this to John earlier, and he wrote to me:

"Follow your heart. Follow what you love. That's what you should do, and that's what you're going to be best at.

And duh, people, it really is that simple.

So, I'm going to stick it out for the rest of the semester, and then bye bye to metals. Of course, I'm still going to take metals classes, but there isn't the pressure of it being my major. I can relax. I can really master the thing I love. I can get out in less than 5 years. I can take the photography courses I want. And most of all, I can enjoy myself and not go crazy.

One Year Ago:
"I can't believe it's come to me comparing international coffee conglomerates. Christ."

Two Years Ago:
"I can't figure out why they trust me so much. I'm not a very remarkable person (although they'll probably beg to differ)."