the beach at Arbroath, Scotland

21 April 2004
good news + bad news = neutral news

bad news (entirely expected):

so. haven't talked to either of my roommates since the fight. and by not talking, i mean, not talking. at all. i fully expect this to continue until i move out on August 1st. taking all my stuff with me, by the way. that is one activity that am greatly looking forward to: emptying the house and leaving them with pretty much nothing. they've used and abused my stuff for the last two years, and now i will leave them with a tv, a few pillows and a table between the living and dining rooms. ha. ha. yes, i am a fucking bitch.

on the other hand, they did take out the garbage tonight. i guess i have to give them credit for that. dammit.

good news (coffee related):

so, got the job at St@rbucks. i am actually really looking forward to it, though it's going to be a hell of a lot of training (nine shifts), even with my loads of previous experience slinging coffee around. looking at the comprehensive benefit packages is rather disturbing, because it makes me think this: if a large company like St@rbucks can give all of its employees working 20 hours or more full health, dental and vision coverage, why can't every dumbass retail company do this? why can't Borders? why can't [enter every other retail establishment i've worked at]?. how hard is it, exactly?

the next time you gripe about that double-shot half-caf venti latte with carmel syrup being $4, at least console your mind with this: it's going toward the health coverage of the person who made that drink for you. that's more than you can say when you buy something at Target, Wal-Mart, or just about any other large company.

bad news (but perhaps a silver lining of good news):

got my second rejection letter. in the great residency quest, i am 2 down, with 6 to go. i've noticed recently that intuition has been very accurate lately (especially in regard to knowing when certain people call me, i can just feel when John or my parents or my sister is about to ring), and coming home from working on Monday i just had a feeling that the answer would be there on the dining room table. and it was, and the answer was no. i went to my room to read the contents of the dreaded SASE. at least the rejection letter was signed this time.

my attack of doubt this time was a little less intense and quite a bit shorter. i was immediately able to have a pep talk with my former professor (i'm sick of calling him that, so i shall call him Neil, which is his name), and that cheered me a little. he told me i'm doing all the right things, and that everything happens for a reason, which is something i've found to be generally true in my life, though the intellectual part of my brain rebels against the notion of predestination and that the universe is expressly designed for my use.

i try not to panic when i think of not getting a residency. i mean, it's really a win-win situation, in any regard: if i don't leave Philadelphia, i get to keep a well-paying job that i really like, co-workers i really like, a discount on materials i really like, not to mention all my friends and teachers, things i like to do, places i like to go. now that i think of it that way, maybe i really AM meant to stay here.

good news (all good news):

i found this out over a week ago, but have been so swamped that i haven't had a chance to tell: i got a scholarship to a two-week session at Haystack Mountain School of Crafts. i applied almost on a whim: i was in the studio one day last month, picked up the brochure, and when i saw that the deadline hadn't passed yet, i went ahead and applied (collecting the required three recommendations in record time). and i got it. the scholarship sounds very important and will look good on my resume; it covers tuition only, but two weeks at a book arts workshop on the coast of Maine for only $300 is a pretty sweet deal.

good news (literary spoiler ahead):

work has been deadeningly slow the last few weeks, and it's given me the opportunity to read a couple books, first being Jane Eyre, which i had read ages ago, so long ago that i almost forgot that Jane ends up with Mr. Rochester. sigh. nothing quite so fulfilling as a happy ending. i'd also forgotten that Jane Eyre is one of those rare 19th century feminst heroines. i want to go rent a movie adaptation of it, but i'm afraid it may be spoiled by the fact that i have Holly Hunter from The Piano firmly fixed in my head as Jane. which won't happen, of course. too bad.

an unfortunate side effect of reading a book like Jane Eyre is that i have to keep myself from using words like "heartily" and "spoilt" in normal conversation.

i am also reading a book borrowed from my friend Paul, Bobos in Paradise, by David Brooks. it's really rather fascinating so far, though i don't think i'll ever be a Bobo (Bourgeois Bohemian, for those of you wondering). i doubt i'll ever make enough money in my life to be considered middle class. not bitter, just realistic.

good news (botanical):

the magnolia tree in the side yard bloomed very briefly this year, so quick i couldn't get really good pictures of it. the petals of the flowers now litter the ground; i spent some time yesterday collecting the good ones and pressing them into large books like any other proper Victorian lady.

i heartily bid you good night.

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