Hejira

the 'rents again

february 21. 2000

my mommy helped me do the braidsI went home again this weekend. It ended up being this weird surreal thing, but it almost always is, because I don't feel like I belong there anymore. Like a guest, an interloper of some sort. Of course, this is something my sister never ceases to remind me. "Go back to college, we're much happier when you're not here."

I had originally planned to go home on Friday night right after classes, but the small ice storm we had gotten in the morning prevented me from doing that. I probably could have driven in it, but for the sake of my parents' peace of mind, I didn't. This in the end was a good thing because I was able to go work on my project in the metals studio until 6. I can't imagine having a class til 6 on a Friday night. Ugh.

Lauren's regional chorus concert was very nice (despite the auditorium being a little shoddy). She missed state chorus by four chairs. I am thoroughly impressed by this. And a sophomore, no less. I was never able to do this well in chorus festivals, as a sophomore or otherwise. I don't think it's so much that Lauren is a better singer than me (I think we're on pretty equal footing there, although our voices are vastly different), but that she has nerves of steel when it comes to auditioning, whereas I just turned to jello every time I had to sing in front of the judges.

My sister has a boyfriend now. His name is Shane. He is monosyllabic and hulking as most of her boyfriends tend to be. Nothing special really, but she seems to like him. I stumbled upon them cuddling in the tv room upstairs, door left ajar at my parents' request. How cute. I am alternately torn between regret on having missed out on high school boyfriends, and gratefulness for avoiding the dorks who made up the male part of my peers.

Lauren went out with her friends on Saturday night, as always, and I stayed home with my parents, as always. I had the feeling that my mother wanted to spend some quality time with me, because when my father suggested earlier in the day that he and I go out to a movie, my mother hadn't been to keen on the idea. So quality time it was.

We went out to eat at this massive, monstrous pseudo Chinese buffet. My vote had originally had been for Thai (I am developing an incredible weakness for any kind of peanut sauce), but I'm glad we went to the buffett. I commented to my parents on the irony that eastern cultures are based upon minimalism and austerity in lifestyle and aesthetics, yet we Americans were absolutely gorging ourselves on pseudo Chinese food. I say pseudo Chinese because Eastern cuisine has been so extensively bastardized in America that most of us probably wouldn't know real Chinese food if it hit us over the head. I seriously doubt soft serve ice cream and fried pineapple is part of the traditional Chinese meal. But hey, I am not complaining. It was delicious. Damn all you can eat. I didn't stuff myself too badly.

My parents and I had a religious debate over dinner, believe it or not. It amazes me how open minded my parents compared to most people their age. They were perfectly willing to accept my beliefs (although I'm not even entirely sure what they are, and I'm not entirely sure they include a higher power), but they commented that I seemed to have a lot of anger and rage toward Christianity. As my mother pointed out, "You haven't had some great injustice committed against you by Christianity." Which is true. It's also true I do have a lot of anger toward the whole institution of Christianity. I can't say why this is except throughout my readings on religion and God (which I think I can say are pretty extensive), there's just so much wrong with the way things are. Not that I'm saying that other religions aren't corrupt, but I focus on Christianity because it's what I'm closest to. I wish I could get rid of this anger, and just let it be, but as I have said before, my self-righteousness is at an all time high when it comes to religion.

My mother and I had a rather interesting conversation while waiting in K-Mart for my father to get back from Lowe's. It was kind of rambling and lazy, because we were both tired, but I think we got some communication going. She complained about being fat (which she isn't and never will be) and frumpy (which she isn't and never will be) and her going crazy because she went off her anti-depressants at the beginning of January (which is true). I didn't even know this until she told me on Saturday. The side effects were apparently too much so she's trying another medication. But the point is that I'm finally starting to be able to talk to her as a sort of equal. I felt like I had to the strong and dominant one in our relationship, which was definitely a change. But one that I liked.