pulled apart
May 2. 2000

Yesterday, after my 2d crit, I went upstairs in Tyler Hall to check the bulletin to see when Chuck's painting class was. Miracle of miracles, his class didn't conflict with any of the classes I'll be taking next semester. And, if I drop my fibers class and add his painting class, a) I will have only two 8:30 classes a week, and b) I WILL HAVE FRIDAYS OFF.

So yeah, I think I'm taking Chuck's painting class. I'm looking forward to it, and to expanding myself. Lately I feel pulled in so many directions artistically. When I came here in August, I was smug in the sureness of my major. I was going to major in ceramics, no doubt about it. Everyone else around me had no idea what they were going to do, but I knew. I was going to be a pot head, no matter what.

And now, in the last month or so...well, I don't know. I wish I could major in about 4 different things at the moment. I love ceramics so much, the whole process, mixing the glazes, the little quirks of each different clay body, the science behind it all. But then I got interested in computers. I still find it hard to believe that only about 2 and a half years ago, I hated computers and couldn't even concieve of wanting to make art with it. And now look at me, considering CAD-CAM, graphic design and web design. Who woulda thunk?

My seemingly sudden interest in painting puzzles me the most. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just taking it because Chuck thinks I would be good at it. I don't know. I did maybe ten paintings in high school. That's it. I just was never interested in it, and the results I did get were less than pleasing to me, so I just let it fall by the wayside.

Oh well. I guess we'll see. I have a feeling this next year is going to be some kind of turning point for me.

In other caffeinated news, this afternoon I caved. I was miserable, sleepy, had terrible headaches, so at dinner I just said screw it. I filled my 8 ounce class twice with pepsi. Now although I feel better, I am still addicted and that is bad bad bad. Kate emailed me with her tips for getting off the caffeine, so I must thank her publicly. I think I'm going to wait til after finals are over for the detox. Dear lord. I really am addicted. A mere few months ago I remember the smug words passing my lips: "Oh, caffeine doen't have any effect on me." Famous last words.

Studying is actually going well, for once. I feel really confident about art history tomorrow. Intellectual Heritage, I wish I could say the same. I have a lot of work to do on it, but I am nowhere near the dire straits I was last semester. No...no F's on Bethany's report card this time. No siree.

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